Shattered

Psalm 34:18: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

A few weeks ago, I was part of a panel discussion on using art in grief. I have several art pieces in a show titled “Mending the Shadows” currently on display at the Vernon Filley Art Museum. As the panel interacted and dialogued with the audience on the topic of grief, one gentleman said, “The thing about grief is that it just shatters you on the inside.” There were nods and verbal agreements all around, and I, too, was inspired to attempt to capture this sensation of being shattered in times of great suffering.

Initially, I worked on the person, attempting to show an outward solidness and inward destruction. I used a storm and waves to add to the sorrow and overwhelm. As I studied the piece, I felt an oppressive hopelessness come over me. Is this it, I wondered? Do pain and loss just shatter us without hope of healing? Searching inwardly, I realized that, at least for me, there is something more. No matter how dark and bleak and broken the situation is, I always have a foundation that keeps me from utter despair. This verse in Psalms describes the promise that I rest on.

God is near when I am shattered on the inside, when my spirit is crushed, when it feels like my heart or dreams have broken into a million pieces, even if I don’t recognize him. Despite what my circumstances look like all around me or how I feel on the inside, he is saving me. The word for save in Hebrew is yasha, meaning to be safe, free, rescued, or delivered.

What that looks like practically can be anything. Sometimes, it’s knowing that He’s got you, that he won’t let you drown or let your shattered self be scattered in the wind. Sometimes yasha is a text from a friend or a hug from someone you love. Other times, yasha is noticing beauty in creation or savoring the warmth of the sun on your face. All of those are moments of God being near and holding you in the palm of his mighty hand.